How to Bore a Reader So That They’ll Never Come Back

Completely boring a reader is easy. All you need to do is take a quick look around for your industry’s blogs on Google. You’re sure to find some examples.

If you’re looking for a “how-to” on this subject however, read on! I’ve got a few tips that are sure to make your analytics dip in no time:

  • Sell us – Your website is probably littered with the hard sell already. If you want to bore the crap out of your readers, make sure that all of your blog posts are simply an extension of that effort. Tell us what you sell. When that fails, tell us what you sell, again.Broaden the effort from your blog to your social media channels, and everywhere you have a presence online. Now for a low price of $99.99….Your readership will dip quickly.
  • You’re grammar sucks – That’s right. When you’re high school English teacher taught you the difference between your and you’re, and there, their, and they’re, you were texting you’re girlfriend. It never really mattered, so you never really bothered. You’re readers won’t notice or care, right?
  • Passive Writing – Keep your writing all passive, all the time. That’s right…”Your reader was bored by your writing.” Keep it up.
  • Don’t talk to your customer – This is another easy one to accomplish. Go ahead. List off the specs to your products. It may make sense to you. To those who may actually need what you sell, this probably looks something like the back of a shampoo bottle. Riveting, I know.
  • Make customers go on a scavenger hunt – Maybe you’ve done the hard part and convinced someone they actually need what you sell. One good way to bore them until they leave is to make them go on a scavenger hunt to figure out how to buy or contact you. Keep hiding that contact info!

What other ways have you found to completely bore your reader?

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