When Bosszilla Attacks!
Bosszilla really exists. It is something of a cross between Godzilla and a supervisor… and has been observed to be a vile creature whose hunting territory includes business environments where they easily stalk their unwitting prey.
Bosszilla, as it turns out, is not on the endangered species list.
This species is all too commonly found across America, and apparently is thriving in cultures where there is an extreme lack of oversight and servant leadership.
Many employees feel like they’ve been suddenly thrust into an episode of “Land of the Lost” and now need to find ways to survive in this hostile landscape.
If you are in this type of situation, here are a few tips that you can use to dodge the rampages that Bosszilla frequently goes on to feed its ever-growing ego appetite.
1) Duck and cover. As Bosszilla rumbles past, its beady eyes darting around to find a new target to chew up and spit out, many people, out of fear for their job safety, choose to find the nearest rock (or desk) to duck under and wait until the coast is clear. This can work only as long as you stay out of Bosszilla’s way. But it can buy you some time and can keep you alive until you figured out your next move.
2) Stand your ground. Sometimes, Bosszilla’s rumblings are more bark than bite. After all, if you make enough noise, throw enough sticks back and stand up for yourself, you might just scare it away enough so that you end up being left alone… as Bosszilla searches out weaker prey.
3) Set up a booby trap. Bosszilla usually is so caught up in its own hunt that it forgets that it, too, is vulnerable. Because of really poor eyesight and the fact that it can’t see too far ahead… Bosszilla’s biggest downfall is that usually, it can only see the moment. By laying a booby trap, sometimes Bosszilla, in its own shortsightedness, becomes ensnared in its own lies. Essentially, it hangs itself. But before trying this maneuver, make sure you know what you are doing. Any booby traps that backfire end up enraging the beast, and it knows where to find you!
4) Find a way out. Escape is always an option, but you have to make sure that you aren’t straying from the territory of one Bosszilla into that of another. Learn the key indicators of the territory that Bosszilla likes to inhabit, and avoid them. Chances are you’ll find a different environment that is predator-free and a place where you can flourish.
5) Round up a band of supporters and go after it. Teamwork by all affected parties can be a show of strength and if enough people come together to fight it, there is always the possibility that the really evil-tempered Bosszillas can be vanquished. Again, there are no guarantees, and puts everyone on this team at great risk should their effort fail. But to the ears of upper management, sometimes a chorus of cries for help can mean termination of Bosszilla.
6) Tame Bosszilla. Making friends and bonding with the creature might seem like a viable alternative, and by befriending it, can help calm down its carnivorous instincts. However, it still is a wild animal, and while you can gentle it, never (ever) lose sight of the fact that it could turn on you.
Keeping yourself safe in the dangerous jungle of office environments is a tough task, in addition to doing all the work expected from you. Being aware that there are ways to handle Bosszillas out there can help you work around these distractions and keep you on task. And if these tactics don’t work, it’s time to look for a helicopter rescue and get the heck outta there!!
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